The Beaches of Tel Aviv

Our bus from Nazareth to Tel Aviv was the slowest bus on the planet, and instead of taking some 2 or so hours to get to Tel Aviv, it was more like 3 and a half. No matter, we had for once booked accommodation in advance, complete with instructions on how to get there from the bus station. However before we could figure out how to get there, we had to figure out how to get INTO the bus station. Again, more security checks, more explosive-detecting wand waving thingys, more scanners... But finally we did it, we were in. Then we had to figure out how to get the number 4 bus - which leaves from level 5 or something from this humungous bus station / shopping centre. Finally we made it, and we were on our way to the lovely (a-hem!) Sky Hostel, which I had booked using that invaluable traveller's tool, the hostelworld website. I am sure that the Sky Hostel has many redeeming qualities - its close to the beach, easy to get to by bus, is close to the beach, serves breakfast, did I mention its close to the beach? I just can't think what other redeeming qualities there are. The dorm room was absolutely the worst room I've ever tried to sleep in. Ok, it was sort of clean enough (certainly cleaner than the Al Arab in Jerusalem - not that that's hard...), but it was on the 4th floor or something, and there was no lift. Agnieszka therefore could not face even one more night of lumping that suitcase up the stairs, so she took out some things and left the bag in reception (well in the hostel's left luggage room). I on the other hand dragged my blasted bag up those stairs, chest heaving by the time I got to the top, nearly falling back down from exhaustion, dragging myself and my stuff to the room, to find that it had 5 beds in it, 1 had someone sleeping in it (in the middle of the day) and another was commandeered by someone who had taken over practically all the free space in the room. The room had one dingy little ceiling fan that was pitifully beating out the tiniest little puff of wind, and letting out an almighty yelp whilst doing so. We dumped our stuff, got changed into our togs and headed straight for the water - I mean, what else was there to do? Stay in that grotty hot hovel? No way, Jose! It's time for some swimming! Now what picture comes to mind when you hear the words "Mediterranean Sea"? Azure waters, golden beaches, gloriously tanned, slim, lithe bodies playing beach volleyball by the water's edge? Expensive yachts cruising lazily along, sails flapping in the gentle breeze, gulls soaring around them, calling softly to each other? Sounds kind of nice, doesn't it? A first, cursory glance from afar may reveal a similar scene in Tel Aviv. Yes, there were gloriously tanned, slim, lithe (and quite good looking) bodies playing beach volleyball by the water's edge. Golden sand, gulls calling softly to each other, children laughing, playing and swimming amongst the... floaties. Not the yellow waterwings, no - you know what I mean, floaties - plastic bags, empty bottles, cigarette butts, empty chip packets... and even things more sinister. If you are easily grossed out, look away now. Agnieszka actually spotted floating sano's in the water. Ick. Suffice to say when we discovered this, you couldn't see us for dust, we got out of that water so quick. Ian Thorpe eat your heart out. Closer inspection of the sand revealed a myriad of rubbish too. Same sort of thing, plastic bags, empty cans, chip packets, bits of cardboard, half-masticated bread rolls - and a complete plague of cigarette butts. So, we packed up that idea pretty quick, and went and sat in a relatively cleaner spot of the beach to watch the sunset. After this, we headed off to one of the beachside restaurants - and were again subjected to scans and explosive-detecting wand thingys. The meal was actually quite nice, but what spoiled it was how it all finished. Alas, we'd been going through cash like it was going out of fashion, so we decided to put this meal on the credit card. I went up to pay (you never let your credit card out of your sight) and the guy painstakingly pointed out that service was not included. 'Oh yes,' I said, and went back to the table. But you see, the meal actually was quite expensive (like all things in Israel) and actually, the service, whilst not bad, wasn't all that. So, not having any little coins either, we decided not to leave a tip, packed up and headed off. The waiter actually had the hide to come running after us, demanding his tip! That was like a red rag to a bull for Agnieszka, who gave him a small but succinct piece of her mind on this point, and off we went. Back at the hostel we discovered our second room-mate, the one who had taken over much of the room - a Ukrainian-Polish-but lived a long time in America-Israeli woman who was just a bit too much of a chatterbox. Seriously, this woman could talk the hind leg off a mule! Oh boy, what a life story she had too! She was born to Jewish parents in the Ukraine but in the bit where it originally was Poland or something, so she doesn't speak Ukrainian or Russian but Polish, then she lived in the US for a while and then came to Israel, didn't want her son to be given Israeli citizenship but unfortunately he was, so now he has to do military service or something if he comes to Israel again, then she went to India for a bit, then moved to Mali... it just went on and on. I think my eyes must've glazed over though when she told me about her affair with a Malian sex god, because she asked me if I was going to sleep. Bear in mind this is now past midnight, so I said yes, but she then told me it was no good, I wouldn't get any sleep, as it was still too hot. Well, I won't get any sleep NOW, she's put the idea in my head that its too hot, and it really was, and the fan wasn't doing any good, so I was tossing and turning, sweat pouring off my body... I got up and poured water all over my feet, which were just too hot, and when I returned to the room I saw her mosquito coil - so now I get intense paranoia that I'm going to get bitten (remember: I am the chosen one), so I can't sleep because I can feel things crawling on me, biting me, and I keep getting up to spray the useless mosquito repellent spray I bought in Croatia on me... feet are still too hot, off to the shower again, now its 3am - and that's when I discover that during one of my trips to the shower, Agnieszka has brought her mattress down off her bunk and parked herself outside the room on the balcony. I don't think I got any sleep that night at all, you know. I got up the next morning feeling more tired than I did when I went to bed - but at least today we had nothing to do, no sights to go see - just the beach. We wandered about the beach until we found a relatively cigarette butt / junk free / floatie free section, and basically parked ourselves there all day. It actually was quite pleasant, because the beach has some fresh water showers, so if you got too hot, and didn't want to brave the floaties, you could go have a shower to cool off. At one stage, when the current seemed to have taken away a fair few floaties, I managed to brave it and swim out to the rocks that were forming a kind of swimmer's harbour by the beach, just for a bit of exercise. All too soon though it was time to pack up, have a shower (disinfectant, anyone?), get dressed, collect our luggage and make our way to the airport - bye bye, Tel Aviv!