Last Choir Standing

I was flicking through the TV guide yesterday and discovered that the BBC are now playing a show called "Last Choir Standing".  Sounded interesting, so I decided I'd have a bit of a look.

How I wish I hadn't bothered!  Its pure, unadulterated tripe... For starters, what would these "judges" really know about choral singing? Have any of them had any real training?  Run any workshops, lead any choirs... I doubted it, but decided to have a look on the website to see if I could find anything out before I totally wrote off this series.

Judge number 1: Russell Watson - the "People's Tenor".  At least he knows how to sing - but what does he know about choral singing - there is a world of difference!  This is what they have to say about him:

His debut album The Voice was released in 2001 and was no. 1 in the classical chart for a year, only to be knocked from the top spot by his follow-up release, Encore. The first British male singer to take the number one spots in both the UK and US classical charts simultaneously, he is credited with bringing opera to a wider audience.

He has performed for some of the most influential people of our time, Tony Blair, Prince Charles and Camilla Duchess of Cornwall, the King of Malaysia, the Emperor of Japan and even the late Pope John Paul II who requested a private audience with Russell at the Vatican.

Ok, so there's someone who has a bit of vocal knowledge.  Judge number 2...Suzi Digby.  Now to be honest, I've never heard of this chick, but I read up the blurb:

Incredibly passionate about singing, both from a musical perspective and for its ability to transform lives, Suzi has an international reputation as a choral director and conductor.

(so 'international' that I've never heard of her!)  Moving right along...

In 1993 Suzi founded the Voices Foundation. Working in infant and primary schools in deprived areas throughout England and Wales, the Foundation aims to transform children and the ethos of schools through singing, helping children socially, emotionally and intellectually. Also reaching out to schools internationally, close to one million children have benefited from the scheme.

Suzi also founded the chamber choir Voce in 2003. Comprising experienced singers in their twenties and thirties, they perform frequent concerts and tour abroad regularly. With a very high standard expected of her singers, she aims for Voce to become one of the finest chamber choirs in Britain and they are already well on their way.

In 2007 Suzi received the OBE for services to music education.

Ok, so I guess she probably knows a bit about what she's talking about.  Maybe there's hope for this show yet.  Judge number 3...

...Sharon D. Clarke.  Huh?  An actress from Holby City?  A chick who's sung in a few musicals?  The only choral reference I could find in the blurb is that she sung in the London Adventist Gospel Choir.

Now seriously, I ask you, what could these people possibly have to say of any intelligence or worth when it comes to adjudicating choirs?  And when you listen to their criticisms of the choirs, and look at which ones they actually put through the rounds, well you realise that their knowledge of all of this is, well to be honest, extremely shallow.

And the choirs they've put through to the next round?  With names like Alleycats, Dreemz, Handbag of Harmonies... heaven help us!  For example, ACM Gospel Choir - who got through on "Our God Is An Awesome God" - even with singing about "wis (breath!) dom, power and lurve" - honestly!  Then there's "Dreemz" - who sound like screeching cats...give me strength!

So let me suggest my judges for you:

Judge number 1:  Mike Brewer.  Musical directore of the National Youth Choir of Great Britain, choral adjudicator, guest conductor, workshop clinician.  I saw him give a workshop when I was at Uni doing my choral conducting, and he was just amazing.  His book, Kick Start Your Choir, is inspirational.  A British bloke who really does know what he's talking about.

Judge number 2:  Peter Broadbent.  One of Britain's most respected choral conductors, acknowledged for his awareness of style, breadth of experience and commitment to contemporary music.  Has worked with the City of London Sinfonia, Apollo Voices, Kodaly Chorus in Hungary, National Chamber Choir in Dublin, appears regularly as adjudicator at many international Choral competitions, and conducts workshops and masterclasses in the UK, Europe, USA and Canada.  Again, another bloke who knows his stuff.

Judge number 3: Andre Thomas or Rod Eichenberger.  These guys literally revolutionised choral conducting, with their studies on how gesture can affect a choirs' sound.  If you wanted a foreign guest judge - these guys would fill the bill.  Eichenberger's video "What They See Is What You Get" literally opened my eyes to the possibilities available to choral conductors and inspired me to want to be one.

Why haven't they picked these blokes?  Simple - they're too ugly for TV.  Who cares about informed, quality judging - no, just as long as they look nice and can string a few words relatively intelligibly together, well that'll do.  Which is precisely why I won't be watching this drivel...

Come on, BBC, if we have to have reality TV, how about some with a bit of quality for a change... oh that's right, I forgot - there's no such thing as 'quality' reality TV...