The Apprentice Australia

When I first arrived in the UK, one of the things I was most critical of was the TV programmes. Instead of the usual dose of American sitcoms and dramas which I was used to in Australia, the BBC dished up a very dull diet of docu-soaps and Coronation Street, peppered with the occasional British comedy (thank goodness - the light at the end of the tunnel). Suffice to say I didn't watch much TV at first.

Then the first of the reality shows popped up - Big Brother. I didn't actually know about this show until the last few episodes of the first season, which I happened upon one day, and actually found it quite interesting. So the next year, when Big Brother resumed, I became a bit of a convert. It was about the 3rd season of this show that I started to lose interest, mostly because the people on it were a bunch of time-wasting wannabes, pathetic really, and it all became terribly dull.

Then came the onslaught of similar "reality" drivel - Pop Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Britain's Got Talent, yada yada - and the surprising thing was this formula of mindless, wannabe, talentless television was not just limited to the UK, no, it was being picked up all over the world! So when I came back to Australia, I was subjected yet again to the same crap.

Amongst this rubbish though was the occasional gem - my favourite two shows being "I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here!" and "The Apprentice". I guess I liked the former because it was set in Queensland, and usually there was at least 1 Z-List "celebrity" on there that I had actually heard of. As for "The Apprentice", well, the real appeal of that show is Sir Alan Sugar. I know that the original version of this show was made in America, with Donald Trump, and I know he was famed for his dressing down of the candidates when he fired them, but having watched that show, and having watched the UK version, Donald Trump doesn't have a jot on Alan Sugar. No man's fool, calling a spade a spade, the man is capable of whittling out the truth and reducing the individual to nothing with merely a look. Aided by Margaret and Nick, who are incredibly perceptive and ascerbic in their comments, the formula is pure entertainment.

I've also watched the US version, and although Donald Trump is no Sir Alan Sugar, the show still is quite watchable (although the UK version is by far superior).

So when I discovered that they were now making an Australian version, I was pleased, if not skeptical. Would it live up to the UK and US versions?

Sadly, no. Having watched tonight's episode, I'm left wondering 2 things -

1 - Where did they find these dropkicks, and

2 - Who on earth is Mark Bouris? What exactly has he done in the world of business that anyone has actually heard of?

The success of this show has to lie with the guy in the boardrom - and Mark Bouris just doesn't cut it. His so called "dressing down" of the candidates is purely laughable. The catchphrase "You're fired" just has no punch coming from him - there's no real build up, and no surprise when you see who he fires - its usually the project manager. Then there's the "Nick" and "Margaret" - not a jot on the real Nick or Margaret - in fact you wonder what on earth they're there for, they do absolutely nothing. When they finally cut to the Margaret figure for her opinion, I actually thought she was one of the candidates, as they hadn't actually showed her all episode! They might as well get rid of them! And the tasks are the same old, same old - nothing new there - for example today's task, to design and market a children's cereal, including creating a jingle, a cartoon character and designing the cereal box, is straight out of the 3rd or 4th episode of this years' UK Apprentice. Even the music is the same - not the theme tune mind - but the backing music for the various segments of the show is straight out of Apprentice UK.

Yawn, yawn. Come on people, can't you come up with something new? And with people who actually have some personality? Terribly disappointing...