An Open Letter To Ashgrove Cheese Farm

Dear Ashgrove Cheese Farm, As an avid cheese fan, I was looking forward to my upcoming visit to you. My heart would race, and my palms would sweat at the mere mention of your name. Not because I am a fan of your wasabi cheese (although I seriously am, it is purely divine – but I can buy that at Woolworths Nundah), not because my brother in law requested that I pick up for him some “cloth matured cheddar” – no, that’s not the reason I am a fan. I’m a fan because you are the only stockist of my all-time most favoured cheese, the cheese I dream about, the cheese I simply can not buy in Australia – Wensleydale. This is without doubt the greatest cheese on the planet.

So picture the scenario. Me, a lowly Brisbane gal, have travelled thousands of kilometres just to get to your door, to taste that wonderful Wensleydale. Last year my sister brought me some back from your farm, so when I knew that I would be visiting you, my mouth was literally salivating. How much Wensleydale will I bring back? As much as I could carry? Of course! And to make that all happen, I diligently packed my little Wensleydale coolbag and little Wensleydale freezer blocks which I had purchased many years ago at the epicentre of the cheese universe, the Wensleydale Creamery in Hawes, Yorkshire. I was so terribly excited at the prospect of finally having another taste.

So excited, in fact, that I rushed through all the great Tasmanian sights as I raced up the Heritage Highway from Hobart all in one day to get to your doors on my quest for this hallowed cheese. Arriving with 30 minutes to go before closing time, I was worried I wouldn’t have enough time to make my selection.

I shouldn’t have bothered. I shouldn’t even have gone to your farm. Why? Because as I fervently scanned your shelves, desperate for that glimpse of the prize, an impending sense of doom came upon me. I couldn’t see my cheese…

Heart and pulse racing, palms sweating, I nervously approached your sales woman to enquire as to the location of the holy grail. At which point she informed me that you NO LONGER MAKE WENSLEYDALE CHEESE!!! ARE YOU MAD???!!! How can that be? What level of bureaucratic fool made that decision?

So now, as I have no other real reason to expound your delights, I shall instead delight in telling all not to bother with your little farm, until such time as reason and sanity return to the management, and you resume your production of Wensleydale cheese.

Oh what a sad, sad, day it is. And no, your "cheerful" painted cows in the front yard did very little to lift my spirits.

I remain, a terribly disappointed and heartbroken ex-customer,

Yours sincerely,

kmuki